{"id":453,"date":"2018-07-27T15:08:30","date_gmt":"2018-07-27T19:08:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/?p=453"},"modified":"2018-07-27T15:08:30","modified_gmt":"2018-07-27T19:08:30","slug":"a-bad-mix-classic-ford-broken-horn-and-two-harley-riders","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/?p=453","title":{"rendered":"A Bad Mix: Classic Ford, Broken Horn and Two Harley Riders"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ted Alexander, Guest Columnist<\/span> Published 11:55 a.m. ET July 27, 2018<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"This<\/a>

This classic 1966 Ford Mustang GT is not the car in question, but it is the same color.
(Photo: Barrett-Jackson)<\/p><\/div>\n

I inherited a classic car, but had limited knowledge of how a 1966 Ford big-block engine functioned. How difficult could it be? And there was something awkwardly comforting maneuvering a vehicle that was larger than two king-size mattresses and capable of surviving a collision with an armored tank. Of course, no airbags or seat belts. (I added the belts.)<\/p>\n

During one of my early cruises on Hendersonville Road, my horn began to honk at random moments \u2014 with no direction from me. Just, you know, arbitrarily \u2014 whenever it felt like it.<\/p>\n

I immediately thought bad fuse, but quickly realized I had no idea where the fuse box was located, nor did I have any spare fuses even if I could find it. And what did a darn fuse look like, anyway? I stopped looking, but the intermittent honking continued.<\/p>\n

I figured I should get the car home, then first thing in the morning, bring it to my friends Ronnie and Bruce, at A&B Tire and Wheel here in Asheville.<\/p>\n

I pulled up and stopped at a red light behind two mean-looking Harley bikers. One had a black leather vest that read, \u201cI Eat Road Kill\u201d emblazoned across the back. His fellow rider looked over his shoulder at me and offered a crooked grin before turning his attention to the road ahead. .<\/p>\n

My horn honked.<\/p>\n

The light was still red.<\/p>\n

They turned their heads in unison to look at me.<\/p>\n

I cordially waved, offering a bright, friendly smile. \u201cHi, guys.\u201d<\/p>\n

They turned away.<\/p>\n

My horn honked again, this time, on-off, on-off, kind of like a trumpeter taking quick breaths between notes. Then to make sure my life was going to be completely miserable before shortly ending, the horn stuck and became one continuous blast.<\/p>\n

The light was still red.<\/p>\n

Did you ever see bikers make a U-turn \u2014 one booted heel outstretched keeping the balance while revving the engine, shark eyes focused on the prey?<\/p>\n

They both arrived at my window at the same time, and to my growing concern, placed the bikes on the kick stands. The horn, of course, was suddenly silent.<\/p>\n

\""I<\/a>

“I inherited a classic car, but had limited knowledge of how a 1966 Ford big-block engine functioned. How difficult could it be?” (Photo: Mandi Wright Detroit Free Press)<\/p><\/div>\n

I reached out and attempted to fist-bump Road Kill just as I\u2019d seen kids and athletes do on TV. \u201cHey, dude,\u201d I said, \u201cHappening?\u201d The use of the word \u201chappening\u201d standing alone instead of being part of a four- or five-word sentence, would show me to be super-cool. I was getting into a rhythm.<\/p>\n

Road Kill rested his hands on the window ledge. Across his knuckles, tattooed backwards so their soon-to-be recipient could read them, were the words GOOD and EVIL. While I was pleased to learn of RK\u2019s\u2019s abbreviated moral clarity, I was also certain I was going to be on the down side of it. I considered diving through the passenger window, then moving quickly away using my phony limp which could only create compassion as I tried to escape.<\/p>\n

Too late.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s with the honking horn?\u201d Road Kill spit tobacco juice into the road. \u201cThat\u2019s very rude.\u201d<\/p>\n

I quickly explained.<\/p>\n

Road Kill reached inside the car and pressed the horn. It honked. He released his hand and the honking stopped. He studied me and his face softened \u2014 at least the part that wasn\u2019t covered with a helmet, goggles and a beard. Actually, his nose softened.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what you were doing, but I think I like you anyway.\u201d Road Kill turned to his companion, \u201cI think I like this guy anyway, Scooter.\u201d<\/p>\n

Scooter? Did Road Kill just call the Wild Bull of the Pampas standing next to him\u00a0Scooter? That\u2019s what I used to call my daughter when she was a toddler.<\/p>\n

\u201cI like you, too, Road Kill,\u201d I immediately interjected. \u201cOr do you prefer Mr. Kill? Either way, I very much like you, too. Yes, very, very much. Yes, I do. Very much.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was sensing I might come out of this nasty situation alive. I turned to the other biker. \u201cAnd might I add, I like you very much too, eh … Scooter. Very much, very much. That\u2019s how much I like you, too. Very, very much.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two continued to stare at me. Road Kill finally said, \u201cYou\u2019re not as dumb as you look.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cInteresting. Most people feel just the opposite.\u201d<\/p>\n

Road Kill laughed out loud. Now I saw teeth with the nose. \u201cYou\u2019re a funny guy,\u201d he said over his shoulder as he moved to his Harley. \u201cCome on, Scooter, we\u2019re out of here.\u201d<\/p>\n

My horn honked.<\/p>\n

The two laughed as they departed. \u201cWe was just funning with you, anyway. Fix your damn horn.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes, I will, I thought to myself. There are other Road Kills out there, waiting, lurking.<\/p>\n

By the way, if you see a handsome man in a red classic Ford on the side of the road, give a wave as you pass by. Unfortunately, it won\u2019t be me you\u2019re acknowledging. I\u2019ll be the guy pulled over about a mile beyond \u2014 the one who looks like a cross between Jim Nabors and an IRS accountant \u2014 trying to figure out how to change a tire using a pair of pliers and a screwdriver.<\/p>\n

But don\u2019t honk. My nerves can\u2019t take it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ted Alexander, Guest Columnist Published 11:55 a.m.<\/p>\n<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-asheville-citizen-times-articles","h-entry","hentry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iRM4-7j","jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=453"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":456,"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453\/revisions\/456"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=453"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=453"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tedmalexander.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=453"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}